Q: Every time I go on to my best guy friend's MySpace, I realize I'm not one of his top friends listed on his site. After a certain while, I asked him and he said, "I didn't think you liked those kind of things" -- as in I didn't seem to want everyone to know that we're good friends. You would think since I asked him, he would eventually put me on there, but he still hasn't! On top of all that, he is always telling me I'm his favorite person, so why am I still NOT on his top?
A: Sorry you have to be the recipient of my backlash, but it's time I voiced my opinion of MySpace. Almost weekly I get a letter regarding MySpace and how it has damaged either a relationship or someone's ego or pride.
MySpace can be dangerous. It can be toxic and addictive. Teenagers by the truckload are getting in trouble because of either what they blog or what their friends write. Colleges and employers are checking out MySpace to get a better idea of the applicant and how they spend their time. MySpace creates drama and starts more fights than imaginable.
Teenagers use MySpace to "make a statement," but instead they often cause hurt feelings or make the wrong statement. I'm sure I'll get plenty of letters telling me that MySpace can be a positive thing if it is used right or to help friends stay in touch or blah, blah, blah. But the reality is that MySpace can also be unsafe or lethal to friendships. Think about it. Listing your "top friends"? Isn't that so elementary school?
Back to your question. The answer might sting a bit, but a little honesty can go a long way. You aren't on his top list because it doesn't sound like he views the friendship the same way you do. He might see you as a good friend, but not a great friend. Sometimes people say things you shouldn't take literally. He likes you and thinks you're cool, but don't hold on to the words "favorite person" too tightly.
One more thing to consider: Perhaps he doesn't put the same weight on the "Top List" as you do. He might consider you an easygoing girl who doesn't get her feathers ruffled by much. It might not be mean-spirited or meant to hurt you, because he might not even be aware how much it bothers you. Give him a chance by being honest with him. Tell him it hurts that you aren't the list and you hope he puts you on. Then watch and see. If he changes it, be grateful and relax. If he doesn't, you've got your answer. Lesson learned. Move on.
Kelly Richardson is a licensed therapist in Folsom who specializes in working with teenagers. Send questions to email@example.com.