First off, for those who keep posting comments on my MySpace page… I finally clicked on the cancellation button – my existence on that POS site will disappear in 24-48 hours.
It would be an understatement to say that the past 24 hours have been heart wrenching. As I started the night off with two PC monitors of information and a TV tuned in to election coverage, the abundance of what was in the wires, on TV, and reactions on my Facebook Live Feed was overwhelming. I took a break from the intensity to let loose for a bit in the Castro, with the block party and bumping into various friends out and about.
When I got back home, I went back to my desk with my three displays only to feel like a truck had hit me. Then I switched back to the Life Feed on Facebook — the amount of status updates and postings from my various friends was absolutely incredible.
I decided to sleep it off as I figured if I stayed up all night I would just go crazy. When I woke up this morning, I just felt like utter crap. I didn’t think I could make it into work feeling the way I did, so I opted to work from home today. Throughout the day, when all the reports were steering towards officially saying that Yes on 8 was going to be a reality, I again turned to Facebook.
What I saw on my Live Feed throughout the day brought me to tears. It wasn’t what people were saying, but the actual people who were voicing out. Never did I imagine as I was growing up through high school and college that I would have a huge network of straight allies, who understand what’s at stake for not just me, not just for gays and lesbians, but for society as a whole.
For those who don’t know my childhood background, I attended Catholic schools from 1st through 12th grade. That being said, I was “indoctrined” with Catholic values, especially during elementrary school and junior high. When high school came along (1995-1999 if you want a timeframe), I wasn’t indoctrined as much. However, I was going through a period of intense homophobia and denial. I already knew I was gay by then, but I tried to deny it and tried to disassociate myself with anyone my peers deemed as gay.
College was essentially the start of my self-acceptance and coming out. It took me two years from the start of college to actually start coming out. Granted, one main reason for me coming out was the ever evident speculation of my friends that kept growing and growing – and in a sense, I had no choice but to come clean, but the way it happened — I don’t regret it in any way.
Going back to why certain people brought me to tears today… Most of these allies had the same upbringing as me (Catholic/Private school). So in sense, they theoretically were brought up with the same indoctrine as me. But here were are, all together in 2008. And to see that they are fighting along with me in the same capacity and disappointed in the same way with today’s outcome – the feelings I have are absolutely indescribable.
All I can say is that I am truly blessed to have such friends in my life. I couldn’t be any luckier to have a network of such awesome people. Although I don’t get to see a lot of you guys in person that often, there is still a reason I keep you as a friend on Facebook Each one of you individually has made a mark within my life. Whether that mark be tiny or huge, I do treasure all of you equally.
Thank you to all for helping society, gay and lesbians, and myself. More thanks to those who’ve contacted me the past couple of days about this fight. Let’s continue fighting and make more impact! We’ve gotten this far in eight years… we can do it!
Btw, DLS/CHS c/o ’99 folk… I better see ALL of you at our 10 year reunion next year! And yes, Emily Clark, I will put those moves on the dance floor! You can definitely count on it! =)